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And grayer. And cold, sad. I beckon you to me and you climb onto my lap. My arms encircle you as you curl up. I feel larger than I am. Stronger. I hold you, stroking you hair and back through your sweatshirt. You are shivering. You may be crying. There is wetness seeping though my shirt. I hold you and rock a little bit until the shaking stops. I will my warmth into you, breathing slowly, holding and stroking. In time – how much doesn’t really matter – you sigh. I feel an ember of warmth reflected back to me and see a hint of color where your arms and legs peek from your clothing.You pull back from me a bit, pushing yourself up on my chest to look at me eye to eye. I see sorrow, pain, life, beauty, so many things. I know I can’t give everything you need. Perhaps nothing of lasting value, but it doesn’t matter. The light around us is just a little warmer for now, and that’s enough now.There is something else in your eyes. Need. Desire. Hunger. You tilt your head back as I lean toward. She was a little apprehensive. Of course we’re going to be careful, of course we are not going to strip clubs, of course we’re not going to get in trouble. Come on, you know me well – been married for half a decade, for crying out loud. Mark assured her he’ll take care of me, blah, blah, blah. We had a few drinks at home and got a cab, knowing fully well we won’t be able to drive our drunk asses back. As soon as we got into the cab, I told the driver to take us to one of the best strip clubs in town. I wanted to show my friend how to have a good time in Texas and this was definitely on top of my list. Initially, I thought of taking him to the trendy area in town to have a few drinks before we head to the gentlemen’s club, but as soon as I caught that whiff of connubial freedom, I decided against that and took him straight to the tiddy bar.We arrived, paid our cover and walked in. It was fairly empty, with the ratio of girls to clients very favorable to us. Actually, the ratio at that.
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